Figments of our imaginations

We have the coolest new family of unschoolers here in the New Denver area. After trying out the area last fall they moved away, then moved back, this time quite committed to staying. I feel like I've known Donna my whole life... we are so comfortable together. She's a jewelry maker and watercolour painter, also (in a former life) a high school art teacher. She has four kids, with #5 due in a couple of months. She's managed to get the valley's renegade/underground midwife to agree to let me hang out at the
birth. We're all to just pretend I'm not a doctor in another life .

Anyway, our kids have this instant chemistry too. Bob (11) is Noah's best friend and is a wonderful gentle role model with the work ethic of a Clydesdale. Margaret (9) is a great pal for Erin... they've got Harry Potter and sandboxes in common. Allie (6) and Sophie have hit their stride. And Ezra (newly 3) is my little sidekick. What a sweetie he is!

I told Donna that I had this sneaking suspicion that she and her kids didn't really exist until some higher power decided to create them to fill our social needs. She said she was pretty sure we were figments of her imagination too. We feel lucky to have found each other, whether we're imaginary or not.

On Friday I had the whole gaggle of kids here all day just by myself, and it was really no more trouble than having just my four. And heck, with (soon) 9 kids between us, who needs a homeschool support group!

I'm playing "block mom" a lot lately. It's not a natural role for introverted me, but it's okay when the kids are so "easy". Erin's had an 8yo girl over two or three times. There's a 5yo boy who spends some time here once or twice a week. Then there are Donna's four, who are here a couple of half days a week. And all day today I had another of Erin's close friends and her younger sister. My kids are really enjoying all the social contact, but they always like at least one day at home just as a family in between.

This past weekend we had our Suzuki violin "Performance Party". Lots of food, and solos by all the kids. My three all did really nice jobs. Sophie was a confident and cute-as-the-dickens performer in her little flowered recital dress. Noah oozes musicality as he sways with his beautifully polished Book 2 pieces. And Erin's playing just grows in sophistication and her physical appearance of ease with the instrument has really improved this spring.

Day 2 at school

Today in math they multiplied decimals to hundredths by single digits, did speed drill on division facts to 50, and reviewed 3D solids like prisms and pyramids, so I guess yesterday was uncharacteristically simple stuff. I also looked at the circle bookwork they had done yesterday and Erin was definitely overdramatizing the simplicity of it... they were drawing 90-degree rotations of characters and shapes in the quadrants of circles and observing the relationship between circumference and diameter using strings. And recognizing circles. She had only told me about the simplest stuff.

She got an A+ on a math test and learned to play the 3 ukelele tunes the class has been learning this year in 20 minutes. She got 86% on a review test for a social studies unit she hadn't done, got perfect on the spelling pre-test, and earned a "sticker for her folder" for her reading aloud. She thought it was all pretty bogus. She came home tired and needing down-time, but happy that she'd had the experience.

She's not interested in going to go to school next fall any more. Yay!

I think she's proud of herself for handling the stress of jumping in to something like this with no advance preparation and no coddling... of being able to fit in and do what is expected and find her way through and do fine. I'm kind of proud too. Having courage in that sort of situation isn't easy for someone as introverted as she is; I know, because I was the same kind of kid.

Day 1 at school

Off she went yesterday morning with her backpack and her lunch and a big grin and a bit of nervousness.

I picked her up at the end of the day and she was still smiling. Of course she'd felt socially comfortable because she knows most of the kids in the class already. She'd had fun. She said it would be nice if you could go to school maybe once every two or three days.

Academically it was appallingly unchallenging for her. Apparently they were doing geometry, which began with identifying two circles in a cluster of ovals and kidney-shaped blobs. The arithmetic was stuff like 7x1+3 and 25x2, stuff that Sophie is working on. Social studies was a quiz game to check mastery of the recent Canadian studies. I asked Erin if she knew any of the answers (we haven't exactly done anything much to learn about Canada) and gave me a "duh!" look at said "All of them." She came home with a list of reading words from Charlotte's Web that she was supposed to practice reading with a parent and get initialed. She first read Charlotte's Web over 5 years ago and refused to do the "practising with a parent" thing. The words were things like "knothole" and "lugged". She got Sophie to read them to her. In science they learned how the earth's rotation and tilt make day and night and summer and winter. She rolled her eyes over much of this.

She didn't get any practising done. We had agreed that if she was seriously thinking about going to school next fall and continuing with violin and piano that she should make sure she does her practising this week to make sure she can handle juggling it all. I know that there is no way she will agree to give up her music, so my guess is that her conscious decision to choose the Stanley Cup playoff game, outside play and alone-time over practising is telling me she doesn't want to go to school next year.

This morning I said that since she was just "playing school" this week that I would "play school" with her and fib by initialing her homework, since I knew she had read through the words on her own, but that I certainly wouldn't do this if she were really going to school, because in that case we'd have to play fair.

She went off willingly this morning, but I don't think her grin was as big.

Cast-Off Day

Up early to get Erin's cast off. The kids were impressed with the cast saw. We tried to meet with the Manager at the hospital who could give us the rubber stamp we need to get started with the Kids' Garden Club ("GRUBS") but she had double-booked herself and was in a meeting. We went to the open-air Friday Market and saw a lot of people we knew. We looked at the work of the aforementioned unschooling mom... wonderful jewelry and watercolour paintings. She says she wants to come and paint our pond sometime.

We came home for breakfast. We decided to make another attempt to meet with hospital-manager-lady. Tried to catch her after her meeting but missed.

We visited with my mom at her house. She's been away for six weeks and has just de-jet-lagged. Fiona is very comfortable with her, perhaps more so than before she left, which is great! Then we went for the celebratory ice cream cone I'd promised the kids for Cast-Off Day. The picnic table spot beside the ice cream store was overgrown with rye-grass taller than my kids. They had fun pulling out grass at ground level and marching around with "pathetic staffs". They used Sophie (height 102 cm) as a measuring post to find some grass that was exactly a metre long.

The cottonwood cotton had drifted off a nearby tree and collected alongside the sidewalk. There was a ton and the kids spent a while collecting as much as they could. They decided they could use it to stuff a doll or soft toy animal for Fiona.

We came home for lunch. After lunch a pal of Erin's came for the afternoon. They played outside on the swings, with the balls and bikes, on the gymnastics bars. Erin was trying out her new arm. She also played some piano. The kids made some limeade. I made them a smoothie. (It was really hot!) They did some glass-painting again. Played on the computer a bit. The toy that's the hit right now is a set of 16 of those green plastic pint-baskets that strawberries come in. They made a castle, a temple, a tower and a series of zoos with plastic animals in their cages. Then there was a dropping game of some sort invented using base-ten rods and baskets and awarding points for certain arrangements of rods in baskets.

The friend's mom came to pick her up and she and I had a long chat about her vision for a local Community Educational Resource Centre. Basically she's talking about a place where people would come together to learn and share expertise and pool resources and borrow and lend. It would offer Sudbury-style schooling for kids who needed schooling, and be a sort of unschooling flashpoint for the rest of the community. You might go there for art and puppetry and basketball, for a LLL meeting, to play chess or cribbage with some seniors, to borrow a microscope or xylophone, to sign out an ancient history book or a phonics game or an audiobook, or to use the science equipment or art space. Pretty terrific stuff. She's actually in the midst of writing a PhD thesis on models of community-based sustainable learning, so for her it's not all a pie-in-the-sky thing. However, I keep returning to the reality that we live in an economically-challenged community with a catchment population of under 1500.

After the mom and her daughter left, my three played outside together happily. They were in the sandbox for ages. Sophie was sieving out stones with abandon and relishing the texture of soft, fine damp sand. Noah built a large tomb / pyramid and had trick entrances to foil tomb-raiders and a whole story about the hero who was the only one who could open the tomb. Erin built a large and impressive booby-trap by digging a very deep hole, laying a couple dozen straight twigs across the top of it, then layering on long grass and finally sand to disguise the whole thing. Then they played some tag games together, and tossed the football around for quite a while. It was really nice to see them spending a couple of hours together focused on the same co-operative activities and games without any input from me.

The Grade 3/4 teacher called and said she'd be happy to have Erin there next Monday and Tuesday. The rest of the week is already pretty chaotic and so she specifically suggested just two days at the start of the week. Erin seemed satisfied with that. I told her that was good because it meant we could all go to the Harry Potter movie (which is 90 minutes out of town) on Wednesday or Thursday. I'm really trying to load the dice by gently drawing her attention to all the sorts of opportunities she (and we!) would miss if she were at school full-time.

After supper Erin did more music listening and reading. Noah and Sophie did some math again. There was a smattering of computer play and independent reading. Erin's reading through a big music reference book we have.

I inflated the air mattress outside and piled it with blankets. After it got dark we all lay out there looking at the stars and watching for satellites. The (almost full) moon wasn't up yet, so it was plenty dark. I brought the boombox out and we listened to a couple of chapters of an audiobook ("the Kite Rider", set in medieval China under the Mongol Empire) in the dark, staring at the sky. Then we all went to bed.

A bear day

The day started with my "tour of the property". I try to get outside first thing every morning and do a circuit to check on everything. Sophie and Fiona came with me. We checked on the chickens, fed and watered them. They're about 5 weeks old now and one has been much smaller and lighter than the others. She's less different than her sisters now, but there's still a fairly pronounced difference. We're anxiously looking forward to seeing how she turns out. Then we checked the hot frame and the gardens for new sprouts, to assess the weed situation and to train the peas and beans onto the trellises. We looked around for the raven that had been hanging out, injured, at the corner of the property the day before, accepting food scraps and letting us get within arms' reach. We didn't find it, so we didn't leave any cat food out.

Then we had 28 people (19 kids) in our tiny living room for a homeschoolers "bear talk". A local bear biologist brought some slides and talked about habitat, conservation, safety and population issues pertaining to bears. This was set up by one of the unschooling moms here who is new to living in bear country and wanted some sensible and useful information for living alongside bears to empower herself and her kids. I had put the word out by e-mail and virtually all the local homeschoolers showed up, along with a few from communities within 40 minutes drive. The biologist had never done a talk for kids before and was quite concerned that she wouldn't be able to hold their attention. The kids were mostly under 10, age range being 3-12. Erica (bear lady) was enthralled by the kids' attentiveness and enthusiasm.

Afterwards we headed to a nearby trail and did a short hike that took us to a bear den. The kids had an absolute blast and crammed 11 of themselves inside. It was beneath the roots of an old-growth western red cedar. A major hit. There were also zillions of baby western toads hopping around the parking area and that was good for a lot of entertainment. Noah and one of the 11yo boys really hit it off. They brought a baby toad back to our place to join our adult toads (2) at our pond. Bob's mom and three siblings stayed for lunch. The kids played together all afternoon. I got a chance to get to know the mom better, and she's just wonderful. They moved here about 8 months ago, but were planning to move away so didn't really make a whole lot of connections. However, after a trial move to another place, they're back and committed to making things work. A whole family of other unschoolers! The kids played in the sand and mud, on the computer, in the garden, with the chickens and with the toads. We heard the raven and saw it on a perch in a nearby tree. Noah later saw it fly a short distance, so it seems to be doing better.

After the other family left my kids had some much-needed down-time. I made supper. Erin has been spending hours listening to Saint-Saens' orchestral works. She has discovered how to actively listen for layers of complexity within music and increase her enjoyment. I'm amazed! She's begging for his Organ Symphony, which I've ordered a copy of.

After supper Sophie wrote her daily "secret". I gather this is some journaling she's doing on scrap pieces of paper. The poor kid is begging for a hand-made journal like Erin's, but I don't have time to make one for a couple of weeks, until the clinic bookkeeping is dealt with.

The kids did some painting on glass jars and bottles. I'd bought some Pebeo Vitrea 160 paints recently for a home-decor project I've got in mind. The kids used the paints to decorate two or three jars each.

Noah and Sophie did some math bookwork. Everyone read... Asterix, Garfield, LOTR, Louis Sachar easy readers, a variety of stuff.

I read aloud from "Lord of the Nutcracker Men" by Ian Lawrence, historical fiction about WWI. Erin's decided not to listen to this one, though I think it's great. She went to her room and journaled to a Saint-Saens soundtrack.

Off to school

I still haven't heard from the teacher who is supposed to call me about Erin joining her class next week. I talked to the principal on Tuesday and he was going to ask her to call me to set things up.

As I've been explaining to people around here, this year 80% of Erin's art class was made up of kids from the same Grade 3/4 class at the local school. They'd pile off the bus chattering away about the day at school. They're nice kids and Erin is pretty good friends with most of them. I think she has been left feeling like she's at a party with a bunch of people she's friends with and they're all talking about the cliffhanger episode of some TV series she's never seen. She wants to watch the show just once so that she knows what they're talking about. That's my guess as to the nature of her interest in school.

She finds large-group interaction tiring, values her down-time alone, is years ahead in academics, has little patience for crappy cliquey social stuff and hates working "to task". I'm pretty sure she'll find school stifling.

However.... (and it's a big 'however')... Erin has a tendency to read control battles into everything, and I confess that in the past I have, in the midst of conflicts with her, said things like "Maybe you should go to school because I certainly can't get you to do anything, and I think you need to learn that sometimes there are things you just have to do!" Or "Most kids have six hours a day when they have to do what they're told; you have no idea how lucky you are!" These are the sorts of things that Erin will take and twist in her own mind. Never mind that it's been weeks or months since I've said anything like that. She sometimes does things she hates, things that make her miserable, in order to "win", or in order to avoid what she perceives as "losing face".

So I'm just a little worried that all of this funhouse-mirror passive-aggressive mind-game stuff might contaminate her spin on school.

The good news is that the end of this week has ended up packed full of fun homeschool group activities.

Quick update

We've been for a weekend out of town (medical conference), some book-shopping and art-supply restocking, and a lot of driving. My double-duty teaching responsibilities should settle down a little after this week... I'll have child care at least, since my mom is back. Basically I've been swamped. I got up at 6 a.m. this morning to go plant out the tomato seedlings in the pouring rain because I just hadn't had a chance. Life's been nuts.

I'll write a more detailed post later, but Erin's going to school next week, I think... just to de-mystify the experience for herself, but she may (I doubt it, but it's a possibility) decide she wants to go full-time in the fall. At that point we'll have to have to do some pretty serious thinking. I'm not sure what my line is. I think she should have a lot of say... but maybe not all of it.

Month at a glance

Gosh, it's been a while. I can't possible include all the details of the last month, but here's an overview.

My mom has been overseas, so I've been doing all the local violin teaching, with Fiona in tow. It hasn't been easy, but I only have a week to go in this fashion. I think I'm going to make it.

The older three have relished their added freedom and responsibility while I'm teaching. I've hired them to manage Fiona a couple of times when the weather has been nice and they've taken her outside to play. They've managed their own issues, fed themselves, entertained themselves, etc..

Erin broke her arm 3 weeks ago, so she's not been practising violin. She's been doing a bit of piano and some music theory bookwork to fill the void. She's finished her Singapore Primary Math studies and is taking a break from formal math (I suggested she just "play" with math until she turns 11 next year, at which point she could consider starting a high school program). She's been listening to audiobook re-runs in her bedroom for hours on end over the past month, and reading a fair bit on her own. She seems emotionally a bit more fragile. Mostly she's happy, but there's clearly some stuff running pretty close to the surface inside her. I'm not sure if it's just the temporary loss of her music-performing identity or if there's something else. She doesn't seem to know either. Maybe it's good... normally she reacts to stress with stoicism and/or anger. So see her weeping because Sophie pushed her and grabbed a book out of her hands is kind of refreshing in a way.

About Sophie grabbing a book... this reminds me that my elder three are all now sharing much of their reading material. The gap in reading fluency has closed a lot in the past month for the middle two kids. The other day they spent their allowance on an Asterix comic book and they've all been taking turns curled up on the couch reading it. Given their current fascination with cartoon books I've ordered the three volumes of "The Cartoon History of the Universe" by Larry Gonick. Looking forward to getting them.

Noah's penpal came to visit a couple of weeks ago ... from Holland. The boys had been corresponding through the post since last summer. Their family has just got their landed immigrant status and came to Canada to get it validated. They hope to move here in a year. The boys had a blast running about outside and playing on the computer, despite not sharing a language. They are definitely two peas in a pod. They really enjoyed each other. Erin and the eldest girl in their family are both 10. They were the big surprise... they'd never been in touch, but they yacked away at each other, the other girl mostly in Dutch, though as the day wore on using more and more English, and Erin in English... and they even understood each other! They really hit it off. Sophie ran around sucking up the energy. We had a pretty cool visit.

We were part of an exchange visit between two dozen violin kids from around our region and two dozen from Ottawa, Canada's capitol. We had four billets who took over the kids' rooms and the kids and I slept in the camper. We had three 12-year-old girls and a 14yo. One of the girls noticed the Grade 7 piano book and asked who played, because she was using the same book. So Erin and she took turns playing for everyone on the piano. Sophie's violin was lying around (the billets' violins had been locked up at the school for the night) and one of them got it out and started playing. Noah got his out and played for them, and then they took turns playing duet parts (on Sophie's violin!) with him. He was in his element! I got my violin out, and the girls showed off for each other and for my kids. Erin played her violin. Lots more passing around of violins, trying out pieces, kids clustered around the piano. Pretty neat.

Our baby chicks had arrived a week before, and the billets loved carrying them around. At one point we had 7 chicks running around the living room and perching on kids' laps and shoulders.

The next day the Ottawa crew performed at the school. Erin, Noah and Sophie sat with a friend in the school audience. I got the day's activities set up. The exchange kids were split into three groups to rotate through three activities and my kids were able to participate, either fully or organizationally. They got a tour of the Nikkei Centre, a "living museum" of sorts dedicated to remembering the time during WWII when Canada interned Japanese-Canadians away from the Pacific Coast. The fellow leading the tour was 14 when he was relocated there himself. Nice guy and full of stories. We had toured "the Centre" several times in the past, but not since Noah and Sophie were old enough to get anything much out of it. Since we know personally several people who were relocated and interned here, it was a really meaningful bit of history.

There was an art workshop. They were creating a multi-sided puzzle of 4"-cubic wooden blocks, one block for each student, with a different theme / technique on each face of the block. The last activity was a walking tour of New Denver I created, featuring a cache hunt. A "passport" contained clues to the location of small plastic tubs containing custom-made rubber stamps hidden at points of interest around town, and information and anecdotes about the area, as relevant. The walking tour included a half-hour lakefront trail hike and several stops on the downtown strip where ice cream and postcards could be purchased, etc.. Everyone seemed to really enjoy this. My kids had had a lot of fun setting it up and had really wanted to do the tour with the exchange kids to watch them hunt for stuff, but it was in the midst of that day that Erin broke her arm, so we were at the hospital (where her dad was the only one available to put her cast on).

Capping off the exchange week was a large group performance at the "big" theatre in Nelson. Sophie and Noah did me proud playing on the big stage. Noah played with the orchestra for two numbers, a first for him. And they played their Suzuki repertoire confidently in the big group.

Our baby chicks are thriving. We have a "mystery chick" who is much smaller and whiter than the rest. She seems healthy. It's quite fun speculating how she'll turn out. She's definitely not going to end up being an Isa-Brown like the rest... a hatchery error we're delighted with, since it adds an element of mystery to the whole hen-raising endeavour.

The garden in coming along and the kids are still interested in helping out from time to time. I'm not putting any pressure on them to help, but one or two will drift out and help from time to time.

We've done some tie-dyeing. We've been watching Colonial House on PBS. Gymnastics classes and piano lessons continue. The violin practising goes on. Art classes wrapped up last week. The kids have been writing to their penpals.

Readalouds at this point include "the Sands of Time" by Michael Hoeye, "Surviving the Applewhites" by Stephanie Tolan. Our current audiobook is "Guards! Guards!" by Terry Pratchett, which is hilarious, but the humour is mostly going over Noah's and Sophie's heads.

We're taking a family weekend in the city (Kelowna) this weekend, where Chuck has a medical course to attend. Erin has a waterproof latex sock to put over her cast so she'll be able to swim in the motel pool. We're taking Chuck's laptop in the minivan so the kids can watch a DVD during the drive. This was a real hit last November when we did the same trip.

I'm reading "Mitten Strings for God" and thinking a lot about simplicity and building family relationships. It's very inspiring.

That's the month at a glance!

Juggling activities

Noah's penpal's team lost their soccer championship game. Too bad. The good news is that we'll be meeting him and his sisters and mom in less than a month.

We had another tough day juggling activities. Three of us wanted to go to the community cleanup day. Two of us wanted to stay at home playing K'nex. Two of us wanted to go to the recital rehearsal and stay afterwards to socialize. Two wanted to bake cookies, but ... later. Only one kid was interested in doing practising early enough in the day to free up the social time after rehearsal. Some kids wanted a video. Others wanted a big imaginary game instead, but insisted everyone participate.

So we didn't get much done. We hung around home. I did some garden digging. Sophie helped sow some beans, peas and onions. Erin and I went to the rehearsal (it was terrific!) and then came home directly. No cookies got baked. No community cleaning-up happened. There was a fair bit of testiness in the family relationships.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated. Prior consensus helps, and that's been lacking. But even so, even when everyone agrees about the day's schedule, there's invariably one or two kids who change their mind and decide they'd rather just keep whacking the tetherball around, or reading, or whatever.

I'm also feeling the impending onslaught of craziness that will occur over the next 4 weeks as I resume violin teaching and deal with three huge music education organizational endeavours in the region. It feels like a tidal wave is about to break over me, and I'm not as relaxed with the day-to-day stuff as a result.

Everyone did some math bookwork today. It's 8:15 pm and we're still working on getting the last bit of practising done. Tomorrow is a "town day", with gymnastics, grocery-shopping and piano lessons. I hope we find our stride again soon when it comes to juggling things at home.

Penpals and Screen-Free Day

Yesterday Noah's penpal's dad came for a visit. The penpal lives in Holland. His family is planning to immigrate to our neck of the woods (which is why we were originally in touch, which led to the boys' contact). Anyway, the visit was a rousing success. Noah was very excited to spend time with someone so intimately acquainted with his friend. There were photos and gifts and stories and comments about similarities.

Since then Noah has been very focused on his penpal. He knows about today's soccer championship game and is hoping to hear soon who won. He wants to learn to speak Dutch. He's looking forward to meeting J. some day (maybe soon!). He wants him to teach him to play soccer. He carries the photo album around with him. I've come to appreciate what a good friend Noah is. He cares deeply and (more to the point) demonstrably about his friends. He is thoughtful and loyal and proactive in nurturing the friendships he has. I expected the penpal friendship to be so remote and abstract that it would take some prodding on my part for him to continue putting energy into it, but that hasn't been the case. I think that the people who have Noah as a friend are lucky people indeed.

Erin, though almost 3 years older, needs so much more help in this department. And yet, as in all areas, she rebels against help.

We tried a screen-free day today. I kind of sprang it on the kids, which wasn't fair, and it showed. I asked Noah and Sophie last night if they'd be okay about it and they said yes. Erin wasn't impressed when she got up this morning. She came around with time. But by supper time she was really wanting to write a story (although her handwriting is astronomically better lately, she still only writes creatively on the computer, where she's much faster and can edit easily). And Sophie and Noah were fast losing their enthusiasm for a screen-free day. So I caved in. We turned on the computer. Dh came home and turned on the hockey game without anyone complaining.

However, it was a good day. Everyone did their practising. There was lots of outdoor play. Erin and Noah decided to try to teach themselves to play soccer. Neither has ever played. They got a kickball out and took shots and made a pylon course for dribbling the ball practice. I did a fair bit of gardening (digging over the soil and creating two 4x15-foot beds, mixing in some wood ash and compost).

I read aloud from a magazine this morning, a funny article about the "slow food" movement (pro-slow-food). The kids were mildly interested and we talked about a bit of this and that. I should read more like this to them, rather than always just fiction at bedtime story-hour. We did a lot of tidying. I spent almost two hours catching up on the laundry and managed to excavate the laundry room down to floor level. We listened to a variety of music ("The Proclaimers", Bach Oboe works, Jascha Heifetz violin encores, etc., a rather eclectic mix!) that the kids chose. Well, I chose the Proclaimers, and while Noah enjoyed it and practiced keeping the beat and then subdividing it into duplets and triplets, drumming on his knees, Erin objected and put on Bach.

Somebody did an experiment with licorice strings and water. No one will confess.

I ran soil chemistry tests. Only Sophie was even mildly interested. We are seriously potash deficient... hence the wood ash added to the garden today.

Chuck was out of town at an auction for flooring materials. We had a bit of discussion about strategies for pricing and talked about why things are sometimes cheaper at auctions.

We have decided (I think we're all on board) that every Thursday will be a screen-free day. It's as tough for me as it is for the kids, but it helps us all be aware of the additional time we have for ourselves without the computer. And we tend to make an effort to do something nice together when the computers aren't occupying us.

Art gallery

Sophie is reading everything lately. She'll sit with magazines, comic compilations (Garfield is a favourite), easy readers, novels, newsletters, anything, really, and I'll hear her reading aloud quietly to herself. The other two learned to read more internally, silently. It's fun to witness the progression.

Weather is pouring rain today and cold, so I'm trying to inspire some spring cleaning indoors. Success is limited. The kids polished the piano and tidied the living room floor.

The art show last weekend was a great success. It was the exhibition marking (almost) the end of the year's art classes for Noah and Erin. The teacher mounted the artwork nicely and made nice display cards with the kids' names. The exhibit was in a real gallery space, following an outdoor community event, so there was a huge busy influx of visitors, just like a real art show opening. It was great for the kids to hear people oohing and ahhing over the work of themselves and their friends. And everything looked so professional in that setting.

When their paintings and drawings came home this week I was inspired to hang it at home with a little more care and respect than usual. It looks really nice. I've been thinking lately about how a parent responds to a child's creative output is a balance. While you want to demonstrate interest and support and encouragement, you don't want to give the impression that you feel every scribble is a work of art, or should be. I think too much focus on the end-produce stunts creativity and joy. I think it's important for kids to understand that not everything has to be worth displaying on the fridge, that creative work is valuable even if (or perhaps especially if) it doesn't yield a highly-polished end-product. I find that specific comments about the art, rather than general praise, makes a good strategy. "You made some really intriguing colour choices in this one. I think the blue and brown really work together nicely, and the orange just jumps out at you and draws attention to the centre. That's really neat." And I find that if I let the artwork they produce linger a little in piles that in a few days or weeks the kids are quite clear about what they consider worthy of display.

So today we have two beautiful walls of construction-paper-matted artwork, distilled from reams of stuff the kids have produced over the past 8 months or so. It's quite inspiring.

We're (I'm) having a bit of an issue with the amount of screen-time in this family. I feel a family meeting coming on with this at the top of the agenda. A couple of weeks ago the computer crashed and wouldn't reboot for love or money. Alas, Chuck took it upon himself to fix it that very evening. Lack of parental communication. Some intentional procrastinating would have been most appreciated by me. Still, there's lots of outdoor play happening too, so there's some balance there.

The Outdoors Beckons

Noah is usually up by 8:30 and plays a bit of totally uneducational Midtown Madness 2 on the computer. This morning, while trying to win enough races to unlock a new car, he got to the point of tears several times. He would not quit. I reminded him that games were supposed to be fun but of course (I should know better!) this made no difference. Fiona was the only one able to break his negative spiral. He took a break, went back, finally won the crucial race and unlocked the coveted car. He said "that's better... now you don't have to worry about me crying and screaming," and laughed. I'm amazed how easily he bounces back from outbursts like that. Erin assumes one wins a badge of honour to be able to cling to a bad mood for hours.

When the girls arise, they eat breakfast. This is usually cereal, though lately Noah has been asking for "family breakfast" from time to time, which basically just means I prepare something healthy and set it down in front of the bunch of us, including Chuck if he happens to be home. Porridge, orange juice smoothie, maybe some fruit or toast. Then they all go outside. I've discovered that if I go outside they'll soon follow, which is odd because they're rarely the slightest bit interested in what I'm doing and usually end up in a totally different corner of the property from me. But I guess they just need me to remind them, after a long winter, that the weather is lovely outside. I'm trying to get some garden beds tidied up, raking the leaves and twigs, doing the last bit of pruning, divide some overgrown stuff and remove some ugly bushes. The kids are biking, mixing mud and water and sand and various bits of foliage, doing the occasional bits of yardwork.

Lately they've all be whittling wood. Erin wanted to make a staff, and I turned a nice straight 5' apple branch over to her. As I got a knife out and set her to work peeling bark, it occurred to me that whittling is exactly the sort of mesmerizing and relatively mindless pursuit that she'd likely really enjoy. It would give her time to be alone with her thoughts outside. I was right: she sat there for three hours the first day and has continued to strip and carve and whittle for a while every day since. Noah and Sophie have enjoyed sticks and knives too lately. I haven't been supervising terribly closely. They know the safety rules and have always been scrupulously observing them when I've checked. So far no missing digits.

At some point during the day we generally have somewhere to go.... violin group class, orchestra, violin lessons, art class, gymnastics/piano or the community garden. We've done pretty well lately at squeezing in a daily activity or two at home together: bookbinding, dyeing eggs, starting sprouting seed, making seed pots, baking muffins, this and that.

Today I made and bound a slim journal as a guestbook at the open house being held to memorialize an elderly friend who died earlier this week. I also toted the kids around to borrow coffee urns and put together cheese and cracker trays. We'll go to his home tomorrow morning and help set the food up. We're taking the Lego for his 4-year-old granddaughter who will probably enjoy some child-friendly diversion. My kids and I talked about how they felt at what they fondly term their grandpa's "Deathday Party" last summer ... how nice it was that some kid friends came and played with them amidst a sea of adults.

Practising has been occurring during the late afternoon and/or evenings. I'm not pulling my weight on it. I seem to manage to practice effectively with one child one week, and another child the next week, but never everyone at once. Two weeks ago Noah had an amazing week of progress. Last week Sophie had a big leap with her tone and bow direction. One of the pluses of this spotty support I'm offering them is that they do see the difference my help makes, when available, to their progress.

Erin got told off at her violin lesson this week. She'd been practising the Bach a minor violin concerto for weeks at top speed with no care whatsoever, and both my mom (her teacher) and I were getting fed up. Probably Erin was getting fed up too with her lack of progress. My mom and I carefully orchestrated the lesson admonishment, and it worked very well I think. My mom basically said "Hey, who are we kidding here? This isn't any better because you're not working on it properly at home. There's no point in you playing any more of it for me, because we both know what it's going to sound like: just like it did last week, right? Rather than pretending you're trying hard at home and everything will eventually work out, let's just put that behind us and do some proper work on it today." I think that the good-natured "you-can't-pull-the-wool-over-my-eyes" and "let's get on with it" approach was what she needed. She had a pretty good working session at her lesson and was unusually cheerful and responsive. It will be interesting to see if she does any effective home practising this week.

The high school kids who make up most of the 1st violin section of the orchestra were away this week, and so Erin was the only 1st violin there. She sat as concertmaster and played up a storm. She really knows that music! I was impressed! Noah, who had come to his first orchestra rehearsal two weeks ago and got really fired up about it, balked when it came time to go this week. Oh well: it's too late for him to truly join the orchestra this year (concerts are this month) and he'll be more than ready next fall.

Math usually happens in the evenings. Noah has recently finished Singapore 2A, Erin has finished 6A. Erin is getting to a level where she actually has a little learning to do. Nothing's too challenging yet but she's beginning to have to really think about the story problems. Noah is still finding his math very easy, which is a great place for him to be. He needs to build confidence. Sophie is plugging through Miquon Red. She's clearly learning. Even a couple of months ago she wasn't totally clear on what 32 really meant (i.e. 3 tens and 2 ones) but she's now confidently doubling 16 and 30 and such-like, without manipulatives. I'm often not sure where she's picked things up. The other day she was playing the piano and calling out note-names. I've never taught her any note-names: the program we've looked at a bit is totally interval-based at this point. But there she was, calling out "F! A! F#!" and playing them all appropriately.

Fiona has been out of diapers, even for out-of-town trips, for a couple of weeks. I guess my family is done with diapers forever. I'd probably be a little more wistful about this landmark, were it not for the fact that I'm so proud of her and me for the success of our elimination communication adventure. She's 14 months and got her first immunization today. Took it like a trooper.

I'm continuing my efforts to create a children's gardening club. I've got a proposal on the agenda for the community health centre's next board meeting. I ordered a terrific "curriculum" book which is chock full of amazing activities and ideas: the "Junior Master Gardener Level 1 Teacher's Guide." If my kids were more amenable to mom-directed canned activities, it would be just great for at home. The activities are creative, kid-friendly and extremely varied. Looking forward to using it next year in a group setting though!

Almost Spring

As I mentioned at the end of my last entry, I'm starting to investigate the possibility of creating a children's gardening club. I really feel that gardening is a wonderful life lesson, an amazing unschooling "curriculum". But its potential has remained relatively untapped by us for a number of reasons. First, I lose my focus... I've not been a highly committed gardener. I let the weeds take over and then it's frustrating. Second, our garden was feral from the moment we inherited it, and it's been tough wrestling it back from the couch-grass. Third, our garden is far away in a lonely corner of the yard and provides little in the way of an aesthetic or social draw for the kids. Fourthly, pregnancy and parenting an infant have added to the challenge. And fifthly, we have a relatively short growing season and fairly poor soil (acidic and lacking in nutrients).

At any rate, I would love to inspire my kids to garden. And I hit on the idea of starting a children's gardening club that would have a site in town (where the growing season is longer) and some semi-structured leadership and regular meeting times. None of this can possibly fall into place this spring, so I'm looking to garden more successfully on the home front this year with the kids while getting a club up and running for 2005.

In this vein, I've been putting a fair bit of my own energy into garden preparations and trying to include any kids who are receptive. Sophie and I made little pots made of rolled & tamped newspaper, filled with potting mix. They're waiting for tomato seeds. I started some peppers in some other pots. There's lettuce sprouting in the cold frame. Sophie and I also started a gardening journal.

Yesterday I took the kids to the community garden (maintained by volunteers) for the big work party. The other workers were mostly retirees, though there was another unschooling mom there with her 5yo for a while. Erin had really not wanted to go. She was in her pyjamas, sitting at the computer, and in one of those moods. We told her to bring a book and read in the van, but by the time she got dressed and got on her new sneakers (which she's hardly had a chance to wear because of all the snow at our place) she was begrudgingly compliant. And then within twenty minutes, all the kids were totally hooked on doing real work of real value just like the grownups. They stayed for almost 4 hours and no one wanted to leave when it was time to go home for supper! They carried piles of pruned-off branches to the brush pile. They raked. They trimmed and did some simple pruning. They also did a lot of running around playing hide-and-seek, and throwing stones in the lake. But they kept coming back to work. They all want to go back on Wednesday.

Today, back at home, I did some yardwork in the places where the snow had receded. I had to spend 10 minutes digging the wheelbarrow out of a snowbank first. To say I'm pushing the envelope on spring would be an understatement. I raked a little on the paths and in front of the house where the sun has melted the snow away, put away the skis and sleds, rolled up a bit of the ice rink liner and also did some pruning. It was an amazingly beautiful day. The temperature crept up to about 10 C (50 F), the sun was warming us all, and it felt like spring despite the snow on the ground. The kids were wearing shorts, T-shirts and sandals, playing tetherball, raking, pruning, biking, running around. They haven't come inside yet, except to eat and drink.

They're going to be exhausted. It'll be tough getting the practising done, but at least they've had a happy and healthy day.

I'm feeling really optimistic about the gardening interest.

In the rest of our lives things are mostly clicking along. All three are really enjoying the additional challenge and length of their new, somewhat tailor-made, homeschool gymnastics class. Art class is continuing, with lots of drawing and painting (especially faces) and some paper maché. We went to a marionette puppet show last weekend that was mostly aimed at little kids, but Erin really liked the puppets and wants to make some. The kids performed violin at a Preschool Fundraising Dinner last weekend and briefly became local celebrities. I think that particular dinner included a lot of people who don't normally attend concerts, and so when we were running errands in town on Wednesday six different people made a point of coming up to the kids and telling them how impressed they were with their performance. Noah joined the community orchestra for a couple of the easier numbers last week for the first time. He really enjoyed himself. It's true about Erin's cursive handwriting: I saw a letter she'd written and it's beautiful!

Our main readaloud right now is Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. We've just started book 2, "The Subtle Knife". This is very good. I thought Sophie and Noah might lose interest because it's so deep and complex, but they're following it at their own levels and enjoying it a lot.

Penpals and practising

My kids are on a bit of a penpal kick right now. A couple of years ago I'd tried to interest Erin in penpal correspondence, but the enthusiasm didn't really kick in and the few little bits of effort she expended weren't enough to fire things up. This time things are different, probably for two reasons.

First, the impetus for the projects hasn't come from me, so there was no question of who "owned" the ideas. This is all about the kids, and I'm staying very much in the back seat. Second, we're working mostly with postal mail rather than e-mail. The tangible nature of letters, stamps, treats and trinkets has won the kids over big-time.

Noah has a Dutch pal who is enthusiastic and quick to reply. J.'s mom types a dictated letter in Dutch and then translates it to English and J. sends both copies. The little packets he's been sending and receiving have inspired Noah's sisters. Erin has started corresponding with a former e-pal in Scotland again, through the mail this time. And I've just got Sophie hooked up with a little girl in Japan with a Canadian mom, who wants to know more about Canada and to pick up more English.

I knew having a penpal would provide some learning about languages and cultural and physical geography, and give some writing practice. However, it's also providing some neat opportunities to practice particular types of social skills: some perspective-taking based on limited information ("from what we know about him, do you think he's the type of kid who would enjoy ____?" or "let's be careful not to send so much that she feels she has to live up to our example") and to work on the responsibility of nurturing and maintaining a friendship ("Since we're not going to get around to sending our packet until next week, maybe we should send an e-mail to let him know").

It's been a transitional 2 or 3 weeks for Erin's practising. She hit a big lull in motivation at the beginning of March. For years I've known that she wants to be in charge of every minute aspect of her life. But when it came to practising, although she hates me "making her" practice, she hasn't wanted to take responsibility for it herself. She's ten now, in Book 7, and has occasionally in the past year demonstrated brilliant analytical and problem-solving skills in her self-directed practising. Given that we're always battling over getting the practising done (started, mostly) I really felt it was time to give her not just independence in practising, but responsibility for ensuring it gets done. Yet she seemed to want to refuse to take responsibility. She preferred to stay embroiled in a power struggle with me

Then I thought about it: I try to hand over responsibility when I'm at the end of my rope. I'm saying "I've had enough of this! I am not putting up with it any more! You are in charge, and you can sink or swim."

Invariably, she sunk. And blamed me. She was already in a cycle of resistence, feeling frustrated and discouraged, and of course she viewed my quitting as her practice cop as a withdrawal of support.

Now, for the past week, things have been on an upswing. Conflict is at a minimum. We're in one of those too-rare phases when there isn't much resistence. And I said "You're doing well. I don't think you need me to boss you into practising any more. I'm sure you can handle this."

She's swimming! I've not quit as her practice cop... I've been offered, and accepted, early retirement.

I'm sure there are rough patches in our future. I'm sure she will begin to sink from time to time. But this is the first time I've made any progress in getting her to "own" her success or failure in regular practising.

I have a feeling this is an lesson I should try to learn well and get comfortable applying to all parts of life before ushering four kids through adolescence.

Noah has discovered that he can read the text in reference books, rather than just browsing pictures and captions, and is delighted to be able to teach himself all sorts of interesting stuff. His reading confidence is taking off in a big way with this discovery. He sits near me in the family room and explains what he's just learned. He's reading the "Usborne Illustrated Guide to Greek Myths and Legends" lately.

Sophie is reading quite well now too, simple picture books, easy readers. It was on December 1st that she first read an unfamiliar word ('Montana') aloud and I thought "yikes! she's starting to read! how'd I miss that till now?"

Suddenly I've got three kids reading for pleasure, not just one!

Erin, who has been writing daily in her (locked) journal, tells me her cursive writing has improved a lot. I found a computer cheat code on the desk done in cursive and I have to say it's true. Noah has just about finished Singapore Math 2A and I've just realized I'd better hurry up and track down 2B for him (2A was just an "experiment" to see if Singapore would suit him). Erin is gradually patching up holes in 6A before moving ahead into 6B. She's slowed down with her math again. Sophie has lost her Miquon Red Book, so she hasn't done any formal math in a week or two. She's doing lots of self-directed piano work (setting out rhythmic reading flashcards and clapping them, reading ahead in her first primer book, practising and improvising).

I've made small blank journals using some of the kids' marbled paper for the covers. Now I'm restoring a Beatrix Potter book I read as a child, just for fun. I feel like Mo in "Inkheart". I've also been doing a bit of organizational / feasibility work on possibly creating a Junior Organic Gardeners' Club in our town. And I'm creating a brand-new website from scratch. It must be my spring rush of creativity, arriving early.

Our big readaloud right now is "the Golden Compass" by Phillip Pullman. Must go read now.

Communicating and a new month

I've been remiss in posting blog entries the last couple of weeks, so I'll try to start the new month off on a better note.

Fiona is communicating like crazy. "Nine-nine" means she wants something, and she'll now point or take you by the hand and lead you through the house to show what she wants. "Gah" and pulling up her shirt and patting her tummy means she has to use the potty. She says a few real words, too. But the delightful thing is this recent discovery of purposeful communication: she knows that she can explain to us what she wants. She's also developed a fondness for sitting with me reading and looking through board books.

Sophie is doing some almost-daily preparatory piano work in joyful anticipation of starting piano lessons "soon" (probably not until the fall). She's writing long phonetic notes for "purposeful communication." Left on Chuck's laptop the other night was a piece of paper saying

DADE DOT FORGE-
T TO GET MILC

The kids pooled their allowance for the last four months and found a good deal on a USB steering-wheel-and-pedals control device for their computer, along with "Midtown Madness 2", a simulation of no-holds-barred nutso driving through London and San Francisco. They'd seen it at a friend's house. It arrived about 10 days ago and has taken a lot of their time. The initial obsessive enthusiasm has finally almost burned itself out. Noah has displayed very high levels of intensity. I'm sure I've mentioned before how he hates competitive, score-keeping situations and avoids them at all costs. MM2 allows you to unlock cool new vehicles for winning races. Twice I've found him hyperventilating, red in the face, and in tears trying desperately to win a race to unlock a specific vehicle. He understands intellectually that he's too tightly wound, that he needs a break, that the game is affecting him too strongly, but he gets to the point of emotional crisis without sensing the need for a break.

I have mixed feelings about this game. I think the kids have spent too much time at the computer, BUT they seem to have reached the point of self-regulation without my interference. I think the message about driving like a maniac being fun is not a positive message BUT it's so much less toxic than games of human violence and really, they're many years from learning to drive and harbour no illusions that it's anything like this. It seems to have precious little educational merit, BUT then again their map-reading skills, visual-spatial memory and multi-tasking skills are growing to amazing levels. I'd love to set limits, BUT I know they'll backfire and create conflict, and cause the kids to miss learning to limit themselves. So we carry on.

Noah, who likes to learn in a "Gestalt manner" (getting the whole picture first) has struggled with taking problematic bits of piano pieces apart to work on them slowly, hands separately and in small chunks. He doesn't want to work this way, and his initial difficulty with figuring out exactly what the little chunk feels and sounds like in isolation leaves him complaining that it's harder to play parts than the whole. "I can't start there, it's too hard!" (Of course I know that it's precisely because these little bits aren't well-learned in isolation that he can only get the whole piece to "almost-fluid" status and not completely there, but it hasn't helped hearing it from me. On reflection, it seems like maybe we need a good metaphor here. For instance "when your bike tire kept getting just a little bit flat, we tried just adding air, but every morning it would be flat again, so eventually we had to fix it right: turn it upside down, loosen the nuts, slip off the chain, remove the wheel, pry off the tire, check the tube and patch the leak. Reminder to self to try this explanation.) Anyway, this week at his lesson, thanks to some leading comments from me, he was given clear, unwavering directives that he must work this way in order to continue to progress at this level. I hope this helps.

Noah and Erin have been doing paper making and marbeling and collage at art class. The marbling is really neat. I'd like to use their marbled paper for book covers. I have marbeling supplies at home but I haven't yet got courageous enough to try it here (the mess... the mess...).

Erin has read the Harry Potter books in entirety twice in the past 10 days. She's going through a challenging time. She stays in her bedroom reading until noon, emerges to eat and complain about everything. And she's been adamant she doesn't want to be bugged about doing her practising, so her practising has not been happening at all regularly. Her last two lessons (one each of violin and piano) have consisted principally of just sight-reading duets with her teachers, since it was obvious she hadn't done her assigned work and there was not point in revisiting the same problems. She has an agreement with her piano teacher to practice every day this week at 7 pm, with a maximum of two simple reminders from me. The type of practising that's been assigned this week is right up Erin's alley: lots of playing through easier repertoire for fun. So I imagine we'll have better luck with piano at least this week. I hope she'll discover first-hand that if she wants to progress to new levels rather than coast at her current level, she needs to return to the kind of work she doesn't always enjoy.

On a positive musical note, Erin did a great performance of the Clementi Op. 36 No. 4 Rondo movement last Friday at an honours recital. She'd learned it very quickly and easily and it shows off her speed and agility very well. She even spoke to announce her piece: a first and a real surprise for me. And she's also asked to do a chamber music option this summer on violin when she's enrolled as a piano student at the music summer school. She seemed positively enthusiastic about that possibility.

We still have 14 inches of snow on the ground, despite above-freezing temperatures and lots of rain and melting lately. So, while it's staying light until supper time and we are beginning to think about gardening, it isn't exactly spring yet. It's that icky in-between season. I started germinating some sweet pepper seeds on the window ledge.

We had a great cross-country ski a week ago with some friends. The conditions were great and there were snow fleas (springtails) all over the snow, which was very neat. Afterwards we went to a friend's place and held an informal music-sharing recital in her living room with a bunch of other kids. Lots of food and fun afterwards.

Erin has finished up the last gap in her Singapore 5B book and, despite my suggestion that we might set the formal math aside for a while, has decided to continue filling in the gaps in the 6A book (she's grazed ahead in the past on the topics that interest her the most). Noah and Sophie continue to plug away at their books (Singapore 2A and Miquon Red respectively), probably asking to do math about every second evening on average.

Our current readalouds are "Bud, Not Buddy" by Paul Christopher Curtis (excellent story of an orphan kid during the Great Depression), "Return of the Indian" by Lynn Reid Banks and "The Wind in the Willows" by Kenneth Grahame. We've also been reading sporadically from "Nibbling on Einstein's Brain" by Diane Swanson, a book about thinking critically about scientific claims.

I've been working hard this past week on a couple of website revisions, VSSM and NurturedByLove.ca, so I'm less "available" to the kids and I should acknowledge the role that's playing in their lack of creativity and self-discipline. I'm hoping for better this coming week.

Miranda

Rat and Mole and Midtown Madness

Not much seems to be happening lately. It's February; I guess that explains it. But the house is tidy and the kids are happy and that's enough. It's always helpful for me to lower my expectations in February.

Most of the year I am pulling my hair out about the mess all over the house. A couple of weeks ago I made five "Clean Cards". These are 4x6" index cards with obsessively detailed instructions for tidying the five living areas of the house: dining area, living room, kitchen, bathroom and family room. "Get the broom and dustpan from the kitchen. Put the garbage pail and booster step in the hall. Sweep starting with the corner under the sink and sweeping towards the doorway with every stroke. Sweep the other three corners too. Imagine you're painting the floor with the broom and you don't want to miss any spots. Place the dustpan against the gold strip at the doorway....." Every afternoon we place the tidy cards upside down and someone picks one. Then we choose a reader and the rest of us are do-ers. The kids take turns being the picker and the reader. It takes about 15 minutes, and since we manage this about five days a week, the house is properly cleaned through once a week. We're doing well at keeping this up and the house is so much better: even in between the days we clean a room the kids are now noticing messes and recognizing that the next time we have to clean it will be so much easier if it's kept clean. The enforced regularity of cleaning is helping get this message across. I don't suppose this system will be effective for long (nothing ever is, it seems) but I'm really happy with it for now.

Another new ritual is "Best Thing, Worst Thing". At supper time each night we each explain the best thing that happened to us that day and the worst thing. By doing it at supper we're able to include Chuck which is, I think really important. It's often interesting what the kids choose, and the discussion that follows is often very worthwhile.

Twelve days ago the kids counted their money, did some price-comparisons on the internet, and discovered they could afford to buy Midtown Madness 2 and a Logitech steering wheel/pedal doohickey. I ordered it on my credit card, took all their cash, and they started waiting. Shipping takes a while where we live. They decided they should stay off the computer for a few days before it arrived because they knew they'd be up for a big binge after it got here. I'm not sure why they decided this, but it seemed darned sensible to me. So they spent about a week playing a lot of board games and card games in Noah's bedroom. Hours a day.

Today the long-awaited package arrived. They got all their practising done first and have been taking turns at the computer on and off since about noon. Midtown Madness has astronomically little educational value. There are maps to refer to, left and right turns to learn, there's visual memory to enhance, and a lot of crashing and driving through malls and evading police to be done. They're happy with their purchase. I expect the novelty will wear off in a few weeks. It may be a long few weeks for me.

Erin set up a rule for fair sharing of the new computer game. The way the rule worked was this: she would get the computer for two days, then Noah could have it for two days, and then Sophie. Sophie could see that this was equal, but as Erin's first hours with the game wore on, I could see she was getting frustrated. She said she had too long to wait (sheesh! no kidding!). We talked about how there's often a difference between equal and fair. Erin knew full well she'd pulled a bit of a scam. I good-naturedly reminded her that it was a little unrealistic for her to expect her 5yo sister to be happy about a rule that said she had to wait four days to try out the new game she'd helped buy. Erin flashed me a guilty grin (thinking "well, it was worth a try!") and agreed to split the afternoon three ways.

Of course, then Erin wouldn't budge on which third of the afternoon she wanted (the first, even though she'd already been playing for 2 hours). Sophie and Noah begrudgingly compromised. I had listened to their negotiations and was feeling angry at Erin for taking advantage of her siblings' generosity and good nature. I asked her why she couldn't at least once in a while demonstrate as much maturity as Sophie and Noah. It was a low blow, but she is so tenacious, and I find it so frustrating when it is always her younger siblings and not her "doing the right thing". She stalked off angrily but (astonishingly) came back and asked for the last time-slot, giving a contrived rationale why she preferred it anyway. So I think I must have got through to her a bit. Later I apologized for the dig.

We don't have many of these sorts of inter-sibling issues, but today we had one, and I found it interesting to see it play itself out. Erin did budge for a change, although she needed to find a way to save face to do so.

Erin has been enjoying Calliope magazine (world history), another issue of which arrived this week. Noah wrote a long letter to a new penpal in Holland. He dictated, I typed. He's understandably far more enthusiastic about snail-mail than e-mail so he's hoping to get a letter back in the post.

We've been limping along on our malfunctioning CD player in the van, listening to "Alice in Wonderland" over and over lately. We've owned if for quite a while, but it's only just become popular. We also watched a video version. The Red Queen is now a huge part of the kids' imaginative play. I've been downloading audiobooks from Audible.com, but I'm saving them up for listening in the van if/when we replace the deck. For now it doesn't play CD-R's and it only plays at all for about 20 minutes before needing a "rest" for half an hour. I have "Bud, Not Buddy" and Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy in waiting.

Fiona is doing very well with her toileting again all of a sudden, after a couple of months of lots of pees in diapers. I think we've only had 2 misses in the past 3 days, both of those entirely my fault (misinterpreting her fussiness). I got her a little potty which she can get onto an off of herself, thinking that she might be ready for a bit of independence in toileting before too long. (I've been holding her over the toilet thus far.) She likes the potty, though so far she waits for me to put her on it.

I made another book last weekend, for photos from our fall vacation. I decorated the cover with rubber stamps I'd made with lino-cutting tools. I used some lovely hand-made papers that I'd bought at an import store for the cover and endpapers. The kids are doing paper-making at their Thursday art class. I'm hoping they'll have some hand-made paper they'll want to use for bookmaking. Also at art class Erin and Noah learned a nifty little paper-weaving technique for making tiny baskets shaped like hearts. They were very pleased that I couldn't see how the weaving was accomplished without actually having separate strips of paper. They get a kick of seeing me genuinely incompetent at something they can do.

Readalouds right now are Michael Morpurgo's "The Butterfly Lion", Cornelia Funke's "Inkheart" (almost finished) and Kenneth Grahame's "The Wind in the Willows". The latter always amazes me, every time I read it, with the complexity of its grammar and its languidly whimsical poetic style. The plotline is very simple but the language is amazing. Out of interest I checked its reading level on an Accelerated Reader database and discovered it rates an 8.2. That seems about right to me. It's very highbrow stuff for little kids. I think I'll consider it an antidote to Midtown Madness ;-).

Questionable Musical Motivation

On Monday, during our Nelson piano trip, we made our first visit to "Changes", a recycling depot that is manufacturer-funded. We'd just heard about it. It will take back packaging from almost any of the store-brand products at our grocery store, plus a pile more. I'm hoping the kids will take an interest in reducing our garbage output. We do pretty well already, but environmental awareness is something I want to encourage in the kids. I'm hoping this will be a big gardening summer for us too. Maybe Fiona will be past the dirt-eating stage; we'll see.

On Tuesday the phone rang and it was our regular Tuesday supper guests (musical friends who stay over between violin lessons and orchestra rehearsal) to say they wouldn't be staying for supper. The girl who is Erin's close friend got on the phone and asked me to "tell Erin that I got to skip Grade 2 piano and go right into Grade 3. Maybe I'll catch up to her some day. Is she in Grade 5 still? Oh, and what's she on in violin? Is she in Book 7 yet? No? Oh, good. I'm trying to get into Book 5 by the end of June."

Sigh.... This child is unschooled, but has such an interest in these "leveled milestones". Now, she's been in Erin's shadow on violin, piano and academics since they met. So I guess a certain amount of this is understandable. But it's still tough for me to know how to react to.

I told Erin that her friend was really excited about being promoted right past Grade 2 piano. I didn't mention any of the rest of it. But Erin volunteered that the friend had told her she was planning to "catch up" to her. And then (another sigh) Erin started asking how long it would take her to move up to the next Grade in piano, and the next level in violin. It was like a fire was lit. She's decided she wants to teach herself ahead in both piano and violin. She started working like a demon.

I was feeling horribly ambivalent about the motivation for her sudden spurt in interest. But as the week has worn on, things have transformed a little. She's discovered a couple of pieces of challenging new violin and piano repertoire that she really loves, and I think she's enjoying mastering them. She's also getting more and more interested in the idea of surprising her teachers with her hard work. I think the idea of "staying ahead of J." is slipping into the back seat. At least I hope so. (final sigh....)

Erin did an amazing violin solo from Suzuki Book 3 at group class this week. Sophie and Noah were the two eager volunteers for playing solos at the next class in 2 weeks' time. I'm so happy that they are turning into keen performers just like Erin. I think it's great when kids can share their music without anxiety. Erin was given the go-ahead to start Suzuki Book 7 at her violin lesson this week and has been working hard.

The kids have been painting a fair bit lately. They now do a good job of getting out and (more to the point) cleaning up the watercolours, so they're getting them out whenever they have some time. Erin's finally kind of figured out some basic techniques and is using them to advantage. She's done a couple of really striking paintings. Sophie seems on the verge of beginning to do more than simply play with the paints on the paper. She did a neat beach painting where the sky had "wind in it". Noah's still life in acrylics from art class is quite stunning. I'm really impressed with how the art teacher is working with them. I hope Sophie will be able to start some sort of art class with her next fall. (Noah's the youngest in the class by at least a year, so I'm hoping the teacher will start a new class for younger kids.) I bought three sheets of colourful tag-board (bristol board) this week and made some simple art portfolios for their larger-format artwork (up to 14x18). They're pretty pleased with them, and they each cost less than a dollar.

Erin and I spent some time looking at internet resources today. We discovered a really excellent Harry Potter fan-fiction site called FictionAlley. It includes peer-editing and peer-review and has a terrific sense of community from the look of it. But you need to be over 12 to use it. We're looking for other options. Erin writes so well, but doesn't want to share her writing at home. We both feel she'd benefit from some feedback and inspiration, and an internet community would be a terrific possibility. We also looked at BoxerMath which I suggested might be worth subscribing to for a while after she finishes Singapore Primary Math (probably before the fall). I'd really rather steer her clear of Singapore's linear, leveled workbook approach for a while. I like it, but she's still so young, and the NEM series (the high school stuff) is really challenging. I want her to relax with math for a while. She's worked through so much in the past year. A BoxerMath subscription wouldn't be cheap, but it would let her graze on math for a while, following her interests, rather than relentlessly heading towards Calculus.

I've talked so much about Erin this week. I should post an update about Noah's math. He's capably mastered the regrouping algorithms in addition and subtraction after a switch to Singapore a month or so ago. He's losing some of his initial enthusiasm for the program. I think he's only doing it about once or twice a week, but he keeps plugging away slowly. Sophie has finished up Miquon Orange and is enjoying the first part of the Red book. I'm sure she'll hit a bit of a wall before too long, but I've been saying that since the beginning of Orange and it hasn't happened yet, so I may be wrong.

Today we went cross-country skiing. It was fun, even though the skiing wasn't great (it warmed up and got sticky). We went with another homeschooling family and a couple of tag-along and very fun adults.

Noah has recently been reading aloud from picture books and other short stories with comical commentary interspersed to amuse his sisters. It's great to hear him reading aloud so confidently and unaffectedly. Sophie seems to be reading more and more; she isn't choosing to read aloud much yet, but she's finishing short picture books easily for her own pleasure.

Tonight the kids are watching "The Lion King" on network TV, a rare treat. They're making lots of fun of the advertisers' marketing ploys, which is great to see. Their dad goads them on a bit. Call it "developing healthy media skepticism and critical thinking skills." They seldom watch regular TV and I'm glad to see that they see through the shallow consumerism. They had a good laugh over the "Kid Cuisine" TV dinners. "Bet mommy will buy us lots of those! They sure look sooooo nutritious and I bet they don't cost very much either!"

Snow and worms

Snow and worms don't go together very well most of the time, but when the worms are cozy inside and the snow is outside, the two can touch our lives at the same time.

It has snowed a ton here in the past week. We've probably had almost three feet of snow. Fluffy deep white pristine stuff. The kids have been outside at all hours playing in it. They create pictures against the windows with packed snow. They dig into treewells to find secret forts. They pretend to be Atlas, carrying giant snowballs on their shoulders. They throw snowballs at each other and at snow-laden trees. They dig tunnels and caves. They build totem poles and snowmen. They sculpt their own lands, shovel and pile, explore and create. They just love the freeform creative control they have over their environment when it's made of snow. Sometimes they'll only come in to eat or sleep.

Today it rained, though, so the snow is compacted a bit and very heavy. The beautiful pillows on the trees are gone and there's lots of tree-crud on the surface of the snow. Today was an indoor day. It's snowing again now, but not quite cold enough for it to accumulate. Hopefully overnight we'll get a layer of fluffy stuff again.

On Monday we made a detour on our way to piano and bought some red wigglers from a lady who vermicomposts. We have had a problem with bears in our outdoor compost bin for years, and I decided it made sense to try composting food scraps indoors rather than outside. We found plans for a layered bin system on the internet and had fun constructing a home for our worms. The kids got to use the power drill, always a hit. We don't have very many worms yet but are hoping they'll reproduce well and by summer we'll be able to dump all our compostable food waste in our bins in the basement.

Erin and Sophie have been keeping very late hours, and this is starting to interfere with family things, so we've discussed shifting things back a little. They're making an effort. It's been hard to do our bedtime readalouds when Noah needs to hit the sack hours before the girls are ready to stop doing whatever they're involved in. And it's been a challenge getting Erin up in time to go places. So she's asked me to awaken her an hour earlier each morning over the next while, and she's going to try to go to bed a bit earlier.

Piano went very well this week. Erin is gobbling up challenging new Sonatina movements in a week or two all of a sudden. They're well-learned and pretty fluid, though not musically completely polished, in very short order. I think this must be due in part at least to the hours she's been spending lately just sitting at the piano playing through hours of easy pieces just for her own entertainment and relaxation. Both her sight-reading and her new-repertoire-learning have really jumped a few notches in the past month or two. Noah had a pretty good lesson too. He's handling the Grade 1 repertoire capably, which is a big jump in difficulty level since this fall. Violin isn't as much at the forefront lately. The balance shifts back and forth... I don't worry.

We've been playing Carcassonne, an interesting strategy game from Germany that I just picked up. It's medieval- and map-oriented and very flexible for imaginative play too. Using the proper rules and scorekeeping, it's a complex game for ages 10+. Without scorekeeping, or with various home-made co-operative rules, it's fun for younger kids. Sophie likes it. Fiona wants to eat the followers and chew on the map tiles, so that's a bit of an issue.

The watercolour paints are out this afternoon. Noah has done a painting of Poseidon. Erin is making a carefully-planned painting of an Egyptian city. Sophie did something bright and mostly non-representational. It's been a quiet day.

The rest of the week has included a visit from a "traveling mascot" from a friend of ours (we are journaling his stay with us and will pass him on to someone else), a swim at the hotsprings pool north of us, dentists' visits for the kids (no cavities, and always a fun experience for them... we have a great dentist), a special lunch out at the local café, some creative cooking, and the usual music, math and reading aloud. I'm trying to get some sewing done but Fiona is not co-operating. Life goes on.

Potluck dinners and finding the middle ground

I had to work this morning and Chuck had an all-day meeting, so my mom stayed with the kids for the first time in months. Fiona was quite okay with her which was a pleasant surprise. When I got home I helped the kids get some lunch. Erin and Noah did violin and piano practising respectively and then it was time for them to head out to art class. Erin balked at first. She pulled out the familiar whine: "But I didn't get to do anything today." Meaning, all she'd done was play since she'd got up at the crack of 10 or whatever.

In the past I reacted to the "get to" part of that statement defensively, perceiving an accusation. I assumed she meant "I wasn't allowed to" or "you didn't provide me with the time or opportunity to." Erin has a dreadful tendency affix blame onto others for anything in her life that doesn't make her happy, so she probably did actually mean to imply that it was my fault, that I somehow prohibited her from doing anything worthwhile or memorable. But that's not actually what she says, and reframing this complaint, if not to her, at least in my own mind, has been helpful.

She, and the others too, often don't "get around to" doing the things they wish they would. They have a tendency to get locked into one particular activity and resist the transition to anything else. It can be K'nex, snowman-building, imaginative Playmobil play, quest games on the computer, acrobatics in the living room, a bath, you name it. Worthwhile stuff, to be sure. But they stay at it so long that they really do regret not fitting other stuff in their day. They get mad at themselves for not "remembering" to make cookies, which is what they call it if I ask them if they'd like to make cookies three times and they say "not now, later."

The ability to enjoyably pursue any activity for as long as it holds the kids' interest is really what drew me to unschooling in the first place. But, especially with Erin, probably because she's the oldest and the most ambitious at this point, I'm noticing that the tunnel vision she gets while engaged in an activity is a problem for her. I wonder whether she needs someone to help her disengage from time to time and maybe structure her life with a bit more formality. And so I wander back into the middle ground between top-down schooling and child-structured unschooling and take a look around for something that makes sense right now.

Someone on an e-mail list I'm on put forth the metaphor of the potluck dinner. "I'm not fond of potlucks. My kids never eat anything at a potluck, being far too busy doing other things. Once the potluck is over, they'll chime "What's for supper? I'm starved!" " This is my kids too, and I think the metaphor explains where I'm at right now with unschooling.

Sometimes simply "strewing their path" creates an immense, chaotic potluck dinner situation. There are so many possibilities and so much freedom that they don't eat and later wish they had. That's what today was for Erin.

I've got picky eaters for kids. What works best for family peace and balanced nutrition is to put a small selection of healthy food choices on the table at mealtime and let the kids load their own plates. Maybe I should be doing a little more of this when it comes to education with the kids, especially Erin. I don't mean sitting her down at the table and saying "okay, time for school; want to do math or grammar or spelling or handwriting?" I mean asking her if she'd like some help setting up some goals or guidelines for herself, some help structuring her days and sticking to the structure.

Today Fiona turned 1. She's got what we think is a hip inflammation. After learning to walk around Christmas she was walking everywhere, but then suddenly stopped 5 days ago. She wouldn't bear weight on her left leg and it was mighty sore if manipulated. We Xrayed her and the films looked fine (needed to rule out an occult fracture and developmental dysplasia of the hip), so we're assuming she'll be back on her feet in another few days. She's not in any pain when crawling or sitting, so we're happy to just watch for now. I still worry a bit; she's getting lots of hugs. She loves us to sing "Happy Birthday" to her, which we've been willing to do about 20 times already because she's doing the ASL sign for "more".

Tonight we'll help her open some simple gifts, eat some fruitcake, finish the practising, and hopefully have a relaxing pre-bedtime family time for a change. Noah's been asking for "happy time in front of the fire together before bed" but his physical energy level (and Erin's too) has been getting in the way. I'm tired and wanting to get to bed before they're ready to settle down, so I nag them into pyjamas and announce I'm too tired for anything other than a short story. Since I'm up at 7 and a couple of times through the night with Fiona, I need to head to bed before they do. We'll try again tonight.

Comparisons

More brushes with the age- and ability-leveled world. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting stranger, more radical, less mainstream, while the rest of the world is busy becoming increasingly conformist. Some of the kids' unschooled friends, who seemed incredibly sheltered and naive two or three years ago are now jubilantly bouncing into tween-dom, complete with a burgeoning awareness of achievement milestones like grade levels and popular culture.

Tonight my kids have a friend staying overnight. She spent a lot of time explaining how great her competitive gymnastics program is. When Noah said "maybe when the weather is better we could do gymnastics outside together like we did last summer." And the friend replied (I kid you not, this is a direct quote) "Hmmm, well.... I'd be open to that I guess. I wonder how I could coach you on grass. Well, I guess I could try." Honestly! Eight months ago she and Noah and Erin were in the same program and all doing very well and loving practising handstands on the lawn together.

The questions of so many of the kids' friends have to do with sizing up other kids' rank in the pecking order:

What piece are you working on in piano? I'm going to be starting Grade 2 piano soon, my teacher says so. Do you know how to multiply yet? I know all my timestables. How long are the books you can read? I read one that was 200 pages. Yeah, well, but mine had really small words. And an advanced vocabulary. So who is your best friend? And your second best? Hmmm... she's my fourth-best. My second-best is so-and-so.

I guess I'm just surprised that this comparative orientation is so obvious even in the kids who always seemed so out-of-the-mainstream to me. We meet it at art class, at music recitals, at orchestra, on playdates.

Fortunately it just seems to roll off my kids' backs. I ask them about it later, and they don't even remember the comments or think them no big deal. So I guess it's my hangup.

We got our water back about five days ago. Hurrah! Life is back on an even keel.

We had a successful piano recital today. Erin and Noah played both violin and piano. Erin's violin piece got a special "whoop!" from the audience. Noah did a quite amazing thing and spoke aloud to announce his violin piece when his teacher forgot to do so. Clear, confident voice. He forgot to mention the composer, but this was a spur-of-the-moment thing, so I was really impressed anyway.

Noah and Sam connected again. They'd met at the Christmas piano party. Sam is a more recent piano beginner than Noah, having started this September (Noah last February) but they seem like two peas in a pod... both are very talented and serious pianists, verbally precocious, 7 years old and budding composers. And boys! Someday they'll be great duet partners, I'll bet. Apparently there's a boys' piano event coming up. Sam may or may not be there... his family will be trekking through Central America for three months this spring.

Tonight the kids listened to about two hours of East Indian folktales on audiotape. Erin did some math (multiplying decimals). Sophie blew me away with her math, spontaneously sitting down with her Miquon Orange book and working through one of the "putting it all together" pages without batting an eye. I thought she was still needing help verbalizing math problems to make sense of them, but she was managing 13+2-4 and (3x2)+(2x3) and 11x0 and 15-2 and (3x5)-5 with no help at all. And enjoying the challenge!

Noah declined to do any math today. He has been adding double-digit numbers in his head for a long time, and has reached the point in Singapore where the regrouping algorithms are taught. He's balking a little. He doesn't like the "cookbookish" approach. What he does with 78+17 is to add 8+17 and get 25 and then add that to 70. This bit about disciplining yourself to start with the ones and regroup anything over 9 into the tens column bothers him for some reason. He understands it but it seems like a "long boring" way to do the problems. He resists memorizing an algorithm with the same energy that Erin leaps to do so. Anyway, yesterday I finally showed him how learning the algorithm in its simple form (double-digit addition) would allow him to use it for complex problems that wouldn't be suitable for mental math. I showed him a four four-digit numbers in a stack and showed him how the algorithm let me find their sum. He liked that. Suddenly the algorithm seemed useful and he leapt right into problems of that level of difficulty. This kid definitely needs to see the big picture first, before dealing with the little details.

We started making our worm bin. This entailed measuring and drawing dots on the bottom of a Rubbermaid bin and then using the power drill to make about 200 1/4" holes in the bottom. The kids had fun with the power drill. One bin almost got done before Fiona started crying. This will be a stacked three-bin system for vermicomposting in the basement.

At bedtime I read a chapter from a pretty good, pretty funny book about composers, "Why Beethoven Threw the Stew..." We read that because we didn't want to subject the sleepover friend to chapters from the three novels we're in the midst of. This week's novels are "Inkheart" by Cornelia Funke, "The Monsters of Morley Manor" by Bruce Coville and "The Bronze Bow" by Elizabeth George Speare. I'm totally enthralled by the first and last of these. We'd never read anything by Speare before, but "Sign of the Beaver" and "the Witch of Blackbird Pond" have jumped right to the top of my wishlist. (Of course my wish list is relatively uninfluential, as the kids choose the readalouds. But I can influence subtly!)